avalar_logs | I thought I felt happiness...

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I thought I felt happiness...

Who: Seito, Ryoji, and a hot mess
What: Ryoji learned about a certain murderer from Minato. Guess who thought it was a good idea to confront said murder?
Where: Glimmer, around the shops.
When: Afternoon of the 29th.
Warnings: This will be a massive collection of bad ideas.

Seito was actually in a good mood.

He never knew what a "warm" feeling was supposed to be; it was such a foreign concept that he had not idea what it was even supposed to feel like. The tingling feeling he felt in his heart every time he thought of Minako made him suspect that that was what it was supposed to feel like and, while it still hurt to smile, he finally felt like he actually could again for the first time since he was five.

It was a shame he had to keep lying to her so he could keep her, but... well, it was worth it. Anything to keep holding on to that feeling.

Unfortunately, Seito was also at a loss as to how to express how much he liked her. Girls liked gifts, right? Jewelry seemed the logical choice, but it seemed so plain... someone like Minako didn't deserve something normal. It took a bit of poking around, but he finally spotted the perfect gift: a gem that actually looked like it was glowing every time any kind of light hit it.

He had just finished digging through his pockets, pulling out the last of the spare money he had managed to make helping out in the mines that winter, and was clutching at the package and feeling his heart pounding out of his chest in anticipation... when something felt off. Seito felt himself freeze up, like he had just been caught in a murder, like death was looming just over his shoulder, ready to reach out and grab him. What the hell...?

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It's amazing how accurate that strange feeling is, because that's exactly what's happening.

Ryoji had been looking for Seito ever since he spoke to Minato. He knew just from the way his friend had spoken of him that he was dangerous. He was a killer. He was manipulative. He needed to be stopped...

Maybe in the past, Ryoji would have waited. Seito hadn't hurt anyone in a while, and Ryoji didn't have the whole story. He couldn't judge humans for the choices they made. He had no right to. He could hold back until one of his friends was seriously threatened... but after everything that had happened, after Ryoji had seen so many people that he cared about dying over and over for the most trivial reasons... well, he wasn't going to avoid conflict any longer.

For now, however, he was just going to talk to him. Make sure that Seito understood that he had someone watching him now, someone prepared to strike if he suspected any harm was about to come to Minato or Minako. He reaches out and gently takes hold of Seito's shoulder.

"Excuse me. Seito Souzen, right?

Seito jumped slightly at the touch, turning around and backing away a step. He managed a sheepish smile at that, clutching the gift a little close. That was weird; he wasn't used to people creeping up on him like that, and just... he could feel his hairs standing on end. What was up with this guy?

"S-sorry, yeah?" he asked.

Ryoji doesn’t smile back, looking concerned and just a little bit angry, though he’s trying to restrain himself. He’s just going to warn him. He’s not doing anything that should call for violence.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you… I’m Ryoji Mochizuki, Minato’s friend. He was talking to me about you and I figured I’d ask you for the truth.”

Seito's smile remained on his face, but on the inside he twitched. Dammit, another one of Minato's friends? Bad enough he had see that damn detective wandering around with that ridiculous grin on his face, but his friends had to keep popping up everywhere?

"Uh... sure?" he asked, the picture of innocence as usual. "I'll try, at least."

“Thank you.” He nods politely, but he’s just trying to keep himself restrained. It’s all he can not to immediately start accusing him.

“Minato told me that you strangled him once. Is this true?”

He’s at least giving Seito a chance to explain. If he doesn’t take that opportunity and tries to lie… well, Ryoji will be right about him not being redeemable.

Dammit; outwardly, Seito withdrew, looking away from Ryoji, his posture tight and regretful. Inwardly, he was fuming; dammit, he had plans going on here! Why did Minato and his stupid friends had to keep getting in his damn way!?

"It's... it's complicated..."

“And that’s why I’m giving you an opportunity to explain what happened. If there was a valid reason for you to hurt someone I care about, I’ll give you another chance. If not, then you have to understand that I’ll protect Minato no matter what it takes. Even if that means hurting someone who might hurt him.”

Dear god; he wasn't sure if this could get any more sappy. Still, Seito managed to keep back the overwhelming urge to twitch in exasperation. The innocent look stayed on his face, and he hunched closer on himself, clutching Minako's gift to his chest closely.

"I... don't mean to hurt people," he said softly. "I just... I can't control it sometimes..."

“Can’t control it? Then why wouldn’t you apologize immediately after you had the ability to? Minato didn’t say that you apologized, and I don’t think he’d forget to mention something like that.”

Ryoji has the feeling this is an act already, and he’s not letting up on his questioning.

Seito fell quiet, looking away from him.

"...who would accept an apology from someone that does unforgivable things, even if they can't control themselves?" he said softly.

“...Clearly you don’t know Minato very well. He’s one of the people who would always accept an apology, as long as the other person meant it… He accepted mine. He didn’t think I was a bad person.

“If he thought you were actually apologetic for what you’d done, I don’t think he would have told me about you. Were you in control when you strangled him, or was something else?”

Seito narrowed his eyes; this brat was starting to get on his nerves. Such blind faith in one person... it was disgusting.

"Does it matter?" he hissed... not really noticing yet that the ground at their feet was starting to get a little hazy.

“It does matter. It does to me. And it would to you, if you actually cared about apologizing. But you don’t… you wanted to hurt him. And you tried to lie to me about it… so I’m going to have to do something about it.”

He glares at Seito, only glancing away when he sees that fog. Strange weather… but it shouldn’t cause him any trouble in fighting.

The regretful look on his face melted away like it hadn't even been there in the first place. Instead, the small smile that slid its way on to his face was obviously mocking.

"Again, what does it matter?" he asked, his tone light, like he was talking about the weather. "If I meant it or not; it's done, isn't it? It doesn't matter any more."

“It does matter! It matters because you tried to kill the most important person in my life. And if you ever lay a hand on him again, I’ll destroy you. Don’t underestimate me. I’m not afraid to do it.”

Ryoji is angry and disgusted. He’s so tempted to wipe that mocking grin off Seito’s face, but he’s trying to maintain his composure.

Seito snorted back a laugh. "Is a promise like that supposed to scare me? Do you really think I'd be scared of death?"

In the space of those few minutes, the fog had deepened, to the point where it was almost difficult to see where the ground was. Seito didn't pay it much notice, slipping a hand into his pocket.

"Is this the point where I'm supposed to confess about all my little sins?" he continued, absently starting to pace around Ryoji. "Would you like to know about them all? About the last one, the middle schooler I was tutoring? He was alone too, always left by himself with only caretakers to look after him. He didn't even complain when I grabbed him; I think he thought it was a relief, really."

He stopped then, that grin turning into an outright evil little smirk.

"The most satisfying one was this annoying girl in my school, the basketball team manager. She had a crush on my little puppet, the idiot I was using to help cover my tracks, and she died with him never knowing how much she adored him."

...Something has gone very wrong, very quickly. Ryoji backs up, kicking up fog and gaping at Seito until suddenly, he can’t see him anymore. The fog’s spread so much Ryoji can barely see Seito’s expression, but that voice is enough to scare him.

“Everyone’s supposed to be scared of death… Death is the end of life. No one should want their life to end.”

He suddenly realizes that Seito has disappeared from in front of him, and he spins around, trying to keep the other teenager in sight. Every so often, he can see a slight form in the fog, and he summons Thanatos’ blade, trying to cut through it… but it’s always gone, and he’s getting so panicked it’s hard to hold off transforming completely.

“What is wrong with you?” He yells out into the fog, disbelief filtering through his rage. “You don’t feel any remorse for them at all! I thought you had problems, I thought you couldn’t control it… I thought there was a chance we could talk and you’d change. But Minato was wrong… You’re just a monster, aren’t you?”

He can’t even relate to him… He’s nothing like Ryoji, and nothing like Minato. Just a cruel, unfeeling monster.

Oh ho... this was fun; this world looked almost like what Inaba was turning into. It wasn't like he could see through the fog either, but that didn't matter; his aim was so crappy that it didn't matter much. So much for "Death", hunh?

"People should be afraid... why, exactly?" he purred at the wildly swinging blade before him, darting around Ryoji just to make this little game even more fun. "Everyone dies, some sooner than others. In the end, someone always ends up alone. So why bother being afraid? It's a pointless thing to fear."

He let out a laugh, ducking to the side as the blade came a little too close for comfort that time.

"There is nothing in this world or any world that can fill the Emptiness brought by death," he sneered. "So why not just let it grow?!"

Unfortunately, Ryoji's swings were getting a little more accurate, and he could see the next one flying toward him with no way for him to dodge...!

Minato's the one who told Ryoji about Seito. He knew his friend would be upset, knows Ryoji wants to deal with the other teen directly. Something Minato didn't want to happen. Minako could get through to him, he's sure.

Still...with whatever happened in that other world, Ryoji is more volatile than expected. Angrier. More vengeful. He isn't certain he wouldn't do anything.

And then he sees fog leaking out around the doorway of a nearby store. That....can't be good. Fog doesn't originate indoors, not naturally. So he hastily opens the door and finds the last thing he wanted to see. Ryoji and Seito are fighting, and Ryoji's sword is about to...

"No!" He moves quickly, more quickly than most would expect, and throws himself between Seito and the blade. "Ryoji, stop!" It cuts a deep slice from his left shoulder to his right hip. Still, this way they can avoid an actual fight inside the store.

It took a moment for Seito to realize that it wasn't his own blood that splattered on his face, that his shoulder wasn't cut into, and that he wasn't the one that had been shouting. He stared in bewilderment at the sight of Minato standing in front of him, the blood running down his front, the blood covered sword...

"...why...?"

He couldn't understand. Why would... why would Minato want to save him from anything...?

“You should be afraid of dying before your time… Everyone wants to live to an old age… it’s not possible for everyone, but you have to hope… y-you can’t just accept that you’re going to die sooner and take it so easily!”

He can’t tell if he’s getting more or less accurate in this fog… He lets out a frustrated noise at Seito’s jeering, and thrusts his blade forward once more.

“You can’t let it grow! Doing something like that would end the world! You can’t tell me you want that! No one should ever want that… we have to keep fighting!”

His thoughts go back to Minato for a moment, and he swallows down his sadness. He doesn’t want to hurt anyone, not at all… but it’s for him. It’s for the Wild Card who thought he had the potential for this… no one, absolutely no one, as kind as Minato could ever purposely try to bring about the Fall. He steels himself and puts all his strength until his next swing. He hears Minato’s voice, but he can’t stop the momentum, and he feels a grim swell of satisfaction as he finally cuts through something…

And then everything shatters as he realizes the body he’s pierced isn’t Seito’s. He meets Minato’s eyes, stares into those orbs filled with pain, even as he hears the steady drip of blood onto the ground. He exhales shakily, all of the strength he once had suddenly failing him.

“Minato…? But… I… you… you were in the fog, I-I couldn’t see… I thought you were… oh god…”

His sword clatters to the ground, and he hurries to steady Minato, staring at the deep gash, scrambling to apply pressure… it’s too big, too deep, is there even a chance he could survive? He can’t die… Ryoji can’t kill him..

Ow.

That's all Minato can think, really, as his front is cut open and his knees buckle. Everything is moving slowly for some reason, now he's done what he needed to do. Seito is asking him a question. Why? ...Why...

"Y-You'd...do the same for her..." Minato knows Seito would sooner kill him in cold blood than help him at all, but Minako is a different story. She can get through to him, open him up, maybe even save him from himself.

Ryoji is catching him now. He looks up, weakly, already struggling to stay focused. "R-Ryoji-kun...told you not to..."

He would...? He'd do the same for Minako? That was crazy, why the hell would he even want to risk his life for anyone else? He didn't have anyone he cared for as much... as...

Seito paused, staring at the box he was clutching in his hand, and brilliant jewel that was inside. If he didn't care for anyone else, then why would he put so much effort into finding something for someone else...?

He pressed his hands to the side of his head as he stumbled back, still clutching the jewelry box. This wasn't making any sense... he was empty and alone. That was how it had always been, and nothing had been able to pierce that emptiness. She wasn't any different; she was just a tool for him to use against whatever got in his way... there was... nothing there...?

"W-why... that... no... I..."

He couldn't handle this; it was too much... and as if in response, the fog was thickening, gathering around him as something dark felt like it was growing inside. It wasn't his Persona though, and all he could do was scream in agony as it felt like he was being torn up inside.

“I… M-Minato-kun, I’m so… so sorry, I… I couldn’t listen, I had to protect you, I had to. Y-You don’t understand how important this was, I…”

He chokes on the rest of his words, holding Minato’s body closer to his and trying not to cry. He screwed up, as usual. He tried to protect his friends, and they only got hurt. Why did he even bother trying? Why had he even ended up here?

He shouldn’t exist anymore.

Ryoji doesn’t even register Seito’s sudden scream; it’s too hard to hear over the screaming of his own mind. The fog was too thick to see, to hear, to feel anything. He was trapped within himself, to be constantly reminded of his own horrible failures. He’s a monster. He did this. He did all of this, and now he would pay.

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I thought I felt happiness...

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